Feedback for God on the Creation brief

From: "Graheme" <graheme@bigbangcreative.com>

To: God
Subject: Further feedback

Hey God,

Wha'sup. Hope you're well. Not working too hard ha ha.

Listen. We've been going over the latest updates and amendments to the whole "Creation" project and feel that we're definitely making progress.

I gotta admit, some of your early concepts and drafts I thought a little left field (it was really Colin in Sales who persuaded me to give you some rope on those, so props to him), but I can see now where you're headed and things are starting to gel for sure.

Good work! The whole "Heaven and earth" thing ... love it. LOVE IT. I can see branding rights, right there. Stacey in Legal can handle the TM applications at  the mo', tho': I don't want you getting bogged down in crazy details just now. If you've got any ideas for taglines, let me know 'coz that'll lock the whole thing down. We bounced it around here over coffee and we're thinking something along the lines of "Heaven and earth: it's where you live" or "Heaven and earth: It's a living thing" ... but they're only suggestions. We hope you can come up with something better. After all, you're getting paid for this, remember LOL. (Oh, and Stacey says we might have copyright problems with that last one. ::rollseyes::)

So, yeah. Great work. High fives all round.

But there are still some issues outstanding that we really need to work through. Obviously the timeline on this is tight, so we need to get onto this pronto.

Jazz it up

Like I said, loved the "Heaven and earth" bit: say it out loud and you think, Of course. What else? It's almost like it's self-evident. It sings. It sizzles. It sells. Sweet. Really!

But the "land" and the "sea"? Pedestrian. Utilitarian. Take the offramp to Dullsville and just keep driving, okay. They just don't have the same joi de vivre as Heaven and Earth. Know what I mean?
I don't hate it, I just don't love it.

You'll recall from the briefing that we want this whole thing to go viral PDQ (see 2.17: Publicity and Fans), so we need our customers 110% behind this stuff. I just don't see them evangelising "land-and-sea". I can't see it on a T-shirt, can you? "Heaven and earth: Get your marimbas out"? Yeah, baby, we're all over it. "Land and sea: It's where the land meets, well, the sea". Sorry. Fail.
Maybe you've got something in mind that you haven't shared yet. Fine. Convince me. But I'll need the pitch by noon tomorrow or we'll have to revisit this whole issue ASAP.

Get the timeline right.

Okay, this might be just a mix up on the to-do list which is totally understandable. But seems you've got the plants a-growing before you've got the sun a-glowing. I don't want to tell your business 😉 but no sun = no photosynthesis. You might just want to re-arrange those ones, okay bud? God knows (ha ha) there's enough tinpot critics out there to give us years of hurt over a little snafu like that.

Colour palette

You haven't really elaborated and I'm getting a little concerned with the lack of details. At the moment I'm seeing sea-and-sky, blue and blue. I know that monochromatic is the big thing at the moment, but I was hoping you'd give us something more to work with. I can't see a logo just in blue. Maybe you're planning to paint the details with a much broader palette. Talk me through it.

KISS

Okay, let me see if I've got this straight: There's two "great" lights, one's "greater" and one's "lesser". And the greater one lights the Day, and the lesser one lights the Night. But not as brightly as the greater one. Because, well, it's night. But the night is Darkness. And the Light is Lightness. But both the great lights give Light. Or is it Great Lights give light (sorry, I'm still struggling with your house-style for caps.)

And then there's Stars. What do they do again?

I'll be honest: I'm confused.

I think you're trying to cram too many good ideas into too small a space, and as a result the whole things comes across as piecemeal and unfocused. Why not just have the one light that goes on and off? Our research clearly shows that our target market wants simplicity. Ease-of-understanding is a major selling factor here. We want Night and Day to have Wow! factor. At the moment I feel it's Huh? factor.

Look, I really like the ideas, I just don't see them well executed here. But I don't want to throw them out altogether. What say we put them on the back burner for now. Maybe we can roll 'em out at a later date as a Premium feature if this whole things flies.

WTF?

Okay, we're pretty much all agreed on this. The whole "cloven hoof" thing? It's kinda creepy. Nix it.

IP

In Our Image. In Your Image. In His Image. In God's Image. Whichever way you spin it, there's no mistaking who we're talking about here. And I gotta tell ya, it's really burning some egos. Lou in IP is having  a fit. Really! He's face has gone beetroot-red and its like his eyes are spinning dials. You really don't want to get Lou steamed.

Okay, so. Here's where it's at:

Maybe in the rush to get started (mea culpa) you didn't get to read our T&Cs in full. But it clearly states (see all of Section 3: Intellectual Property, Naming Rights and Sponsorship) that we own all output, all copyright, all creative material (from drafts through final product) and all spinoffs associated thereto. To put if bluntly, this is our baby, not yours. We've gotta fix this, quick.

Look, I understand. I consider myself a bit of an artist, too. You're doing good work, you want to put your name to  it. Believe me, I get it.

But if you remember from our very first meeting, we came to you because we wanted the best and, here's the important bit, we were willing to pay for it. By all means, create your weird cloven-hoofed thingies on your own time, but when it's on our time and our dollars, it ours. ¿Entienda?

'Nuff on that. I'll send Lou over to talk direct with your agent. I'm sure they can nut something out.

Schedule.

We all knew right from the start that time was going to be against us on this one. But as I said then (and I'm saying it again now), rollout is Sunday. I can't make that any clearer. No Ifs or Buts.

So I don't understand why you're taking so long with the critters. You created the Heaven and Earth (have I said how much I love that?) in a day, and now you're planning on, what?, three days just to get some critters on it. I don't get it. It's almost like you think you've done the hard work, and now you just want a bit of Me time. It ain't gonna happen. Not this week. We need these critters — the whole lot of them — tagged and bagged COB Wed latest. Remember, there's no cloven-hoofed critters in the mix anymore so you've gained a bit there LOL.

There's no discussion on this one. We've researched the shit outta that Plan B Evolution pitch and it's not going to fly. Our target market just doesn't have the attention span.

Adam and Eve.

Okay, there's quite a few problems here. First off, the rib thing. LMFAO. You must have been smoking some grade-A bhang bhang when you came up with that one, my friend. You are joking, though, right? Please, tell me you're joking. 'Coz you've got half the office here spitting chips and ranting about being seen as "second-class citizens" (that's definitely a term only Suzie our VP could dream up). Can you imagine that going on for Eternity. I don't even want to think about it.

We can't afford to polarise our market like that. Refer above point on Publicity and Fans. We need all of our market behind us on this, not 50%. Wendy in Market Research has done the modelling and is convinced that if we have only 50% take-up then we're going to have real problems going forward. Crystal?

On a different note, I always imagined the reproduction thing to be a lot more fun. I know we haven't really talked about it in depth, but I thought that this might have some really interesting touch points. Maybe it's just me. But pulling out a rib? It just doesn't grab me.

Okay, look. It was a big ask. Perhaps too big an ask in retrospect. Let's just concentrate on the critters and the geography and the atmosphere and all those scientific things that you're so good at and shelve the Humanity side-project till, what, next week? I think we need a bit of breathing space and distance on this aspect of the project to make sure it's given due consideration. Thoughts? I'm here if you want to spitball this.

Recurring theme: Be fruitful and multiply.

I see where you're headed with this and let me just put a stop to it now so you don't waste your time. No way. This is a G-rated, all ages, all inclusive gig. It may be that it has to be (I'll leave that to you) but let's not publicise it, okay. Let's just keep it under the covers for now. It might freak out some key evangelists.

Non-disclosure

Seems Mike in IT stumbled across your blog. Christ on a bike, what can I say? Again, you've got Lou seeing red.This was all supposed to be embargoed till Monday, soonest. I thought we made that absolutely clear. Remember that Non-disclosure Agreement. What did you think that was about? You've put me in a real pickle, that's for sure.

So here's what's going to happen: you're going to give Mike your login details and he's going to delete the whole blog. Hopefully it hasn't been indexed yet. Mike will see what he can do to clean out the caches. There's no backups or duplicates, right? No mirrors? If so, Mike'll want those, too.

Okay, that's just the way it's gotta be. I don't want you getting riled over this, not now. I want you concentrating on the critters and rollout Sunday. Maybe I can talk Mike and Lou into keeping a copy and we can discuss at a later date. Frankly, I can see some spinoff opps and maybe some publishing and merch deals. I liked the name, too: Genesis.com has a nice ring to it.

Sounds like a lot of negatives, I know, but rest assured we think you're doing a great job in general. There's some major stuff here to be sorted out, for sure, but you have conquered bigger mountains, right.

Remember, I'm here: got questions? Shout 'em out. Last thing we want is a Sunday freakshow: imagine how that would go down in history LMAO.

Peace.

In brief

How would the world have worked out if God had been 'handled' by a management consultant?

Leave a Comment